Sunday, March 12, 2017

Where Do We Put Mom?

It sounds like I'm trying to decide where to put a box of old clothes when I ask that question
...BUT, where DO we put mom?

The last few weeks have been hard for us as we worked to relocate my mother-in-law. She's been 
living alone and slightly independent for the last couple years, but the day before her 90th birthday 
she fell and broke her hip. Her world was turned upside down as was ours. 

She's smiling here, but it was weeks before she'd smile again.
The surgery and pain was tough on her 90 year old body!
She's still can't walk and needs assistance. She has good and bad days.

We had tried to get her to move into a really nice assisted living facility for the last couple years,
but she didn't want to lose her "independence." She really hadn't been very independent because 
she lost her license last year and could no longer drive (thank goodness!) Someone had to drive her
to get groceries and medications, get her hair and nails done, and go to doctor appointments. She'd
also not been good about eating and taking her medications on time.

She had resisted moving to the assisted living home for so long that now the entire burden of 
deciding where she'd live was on us. We were given less than two days notice to move her from 
rehab to an assisted living facility. We had to buy her a bed (she didn't want her old one) and shop for 
a couch for her new place. We also had to find movers who would be available within the next day. 
We then had to box up and bag up all of her clothing and personal items to move. 

My husband and I both said we are too old to be doing this kind of moving. My oldest daughter and
her boyfriend were lifesavers in boxing things up and my son-in-law and Monkey Boys jumped right 
in to help. Even Monkey Baby wanted to help!

Without them we would have needed to move into the facility with my mother-in-law because it was so hard on our bodies and we were worn out. We've told our kids that we promise to go willingly to 
assisted living when the times comes that we can't take care of ourselves. Hopefully, we will do just 
that! Plus, I'm going to start cleaning out my STUFF (not my fabric, though) so the kids won't be 
swearing about me and all the junk I hung on to. It's time to dejunk!

Luckily, Monkey Baby was well enough to help, but two days ago he was in the ER with a possible
case of pneumonia and low oxygen level. After x-rays and tests, we were relieved that it was bronchitis and he was sent home with antibiotics, ibuprofen, and a breathing treatment. It was scary to hear him breathe and see that sweet face look so sad!

He was such a trooper! He only cried when they put the oxygen device on his finger.

In the middle of all this, I got to take a night off to hang out with Corrie from Quilt Taffy at the 
Queen Bee Market dinner and craft night. I had no idea what I was getting into, but meeting Corrie 
was so worth it! She is as cute as her quilt store! I'm not very crafty with painting decorations, but 
Corrie made sure I had my "hello" facing the right way (not that I painted the wrong side or anything)
and that I was well supplied with cookies. I wish I'd had more time with her!

The desserts were so pretty!

I have lots of sewing to catch up on...I'm so behind!
My sewing machine is staring at me. It needs me.

You never know when life will throw you a curve ball.
Some of those balls are bigger than others and in perspective,
this has just been a small blip of a ball in our crazy life.


  1. I know exactly what you are going thru and at our age, it really does take it's toll.

  2. Take a deep breath! You have a great family helping you out! I have already 'decluttered'. It's a good feeling, but you have to be ready to let a lot of stuff go! The hardest part is not accumulating 'stuff' all over again! Best wishes to your MIL. She's a beautiful woman.

  3. Been there,Carol. It is hard. mentally and physically exhausting.
    Hubbs and I did everything for the past 4 years with regard to mom and dad.
    I will say a prayer for all of you. It is good that you are working together
    Do not over do your self, Carol.
    We had to sell their house too. It was such an ordeal.
    looking back, it was the biggest job.
    Your mom-in-law is very cute. She will be happy in a new place. You should visit her often

    You know my story, mom went to heaven last October. Now I take good care of my daddy

    It does make me think.
    I need assisted living now

  4. Oh Carol I feel for you. When mom went to the hospital, I think she gave up on living because she always said she never wanted to go to an assisted living place. So she passed away quickly, only one month after her 90th birthday. My poor sister got stuck with cleaning out mom's house because she lives the closest. Mom was a hoarder, so it's been a long process! Glad little monkey boy is better!!! Take care Carol!

  5. It's part of life.. And so happy you rase a good caring family.That helps when the need is there...I do home heath care...I see the good the bad and ugly....And yess plane ahead and hope your as lucky with your heath as she was....

  6. Sorry for all the struggles Carol. It is good to see all the help you have, such an engineering moment with all those boys and the frame. Best wishes and prayers to your sweet mil, and you all as you adjust to the changes. I am glad your littlest lad is better now, it is scary when our small ones are in the ER, we had a scare with Evan around that age-he so wanted to drink the IV bag, he was so dehydrated-and it was a really bad night for us all.

  7. Oh Carol, it is so difficult a time--we sold our own house and moved in with my Mom to care for her for four years before she had to go to a Nursing Home. Definitely worth the huge effort and change of lifestyle, but hard, too for everyone. Hang in there kiddo, hugs Julierose

  8. Oh my goodness-that's a lot to accomplish in a small amount of time! And emotional. physical pain. Your monkey baby is so cute! Have a wonderful day. mary in Az

  9. Been there and done that twice. NOT fun.

  10. Please know you are not alone. It is a process, but you do get through it. Had to move Dad from Florida to my home in Illinois. It was all for the good. Hang in there. Take each day as it happens. Hugs.

  11. Sorry about your MIL fall. I hope she recoups quickly and I really hope she likes her new home. A good outlook is over half the battle. Poor little Monkey baby. Glad he is better. Hugs
    Wishing strength for your family with all these changes happening. Lots of hugs (yeah, been there too :) )

  12. Oh Gosh! I do know what you are going through. My 88 year old mother is suffering a permanent health setback, in addition to going blind. My two siblings and myself take care of her. Like shift work. Very difficult. She is not a happy camper. But we are giving back all the care and love she gave us.

  13. I think most of us have been there or going through it. Most of us will be lifting prayer for you and MIL. Your great outlook and prayer will get you through. And yes your machine is faithfully waiting for you.
    Monkey baby is a doll, glad he is doing better too.

  14. guess everyone here has been thru it i am so grateful to my mothers neurologist who told her to choose the als before she really needed it so she could make friends etc sorry typing with one finger arm in sling.
    with parkinsons she lived in assisted living for 12 years until she fell out of her wheelchair and broke her neck at age 93 even though she was there a lot of family intervention was needed to be sure she got the care she needed xxoo

  15. After my DH passed away 4 1/2 yrs. ago and I downsized from 3600+ sf to under 2000, I SWORE I was going to start cleaning out now for the same reasons!!! I don't want to leave them to deal with what I had to deal with (PLUS the move opened my eyes to just exactly how much crap I had!!!). The stash is also being culled slowly but it's going to the quilt group at church or I'm using it for donation quilts and pillowcases!

  16. I need to downsize too, no way I can do it all and I find it takes longer to make and finish things, these days;)
    Glad you could find a nice place for her, and hopefully she will enjoy being around others and it will be easier for all of you, not having to worry.


  17. I have been discussing this with my mom. She wants to move into a retirement home, however her husband needs more help than that. The only one he is willing to move into would be a hardship, financial wise, on my mom when he dies. He's being very selfish about it. She just can't take care of him by herself anymore.

  18. I hear you!!! I hope she settles in quickly for you and that she will have plenty of help looking out for her. We've made the same promise to our children. Like you, I need to start clearing out stuff too.

    Poor little guy. I hope he is on the road to recovery with his meds.

  19. It's such a hard thing to do...and makes us mindful how much stuff we really have. blessings, marlene

  20. Carol this is such a difficult time for all in your family. You and Ron are wonderful and to have your daughter and Monkey Boys step in to help is such a great relief. Healing Energy to Mother and may she find happiness and lots of friends in her new chapter. Thankfully you had a creative evening of fun and meeting Corrie. You and your sewing machine do need to send time together! Blessings to you and your family. XO

  21. I am going thru the same thing with my parents. I know what you mean by stressful. We have in home care for them now so that they can stay in their own home.. SO far it is working out really good. A big burden has been taken from my shoulders. The family takes turns each weekend making sure someone is visiting and checking on things are going. My parents live over 3 hours from us :-(

    Hang in there and sending big hugs !

  22. Un gran abrazo y mucho ánimo para este momento en el que cambia un poco la vida.

  23. Sounds like a very difficult time for you all. How fortunate you were able to find a place and recruit some family to help...especially those helpful monkey boys. Glad the little one is on the mend. He sure is adorable!

  24. OH hugs sweetie. I know it is so difficult to make those choices. What is funny when you consider it many of the assisted living homes where they have their own apartment really to enable them to remain fairly independent. They just have help where they need it. Glad the monkey boys jumped in the help. I was blessed that the boys assisted us too when it came to moving the Ancient Ones. Hope the monkey baby begins to feel better soon. Pneumonia is not fun. Isn't it amazing how life throws you curves and your perspective changes so radically?

  25. I really do understand what you went through. Ray and I have had to go through 4 different households. My best to you Carol.

  26. I hope your Monkey Baby is feeling better! It is so hard when the little ones are sick. And I hope your mom is doing better. We've helped out with a couple of those moves. Stressful. Like you, I'll be doing some serious decluttering in the upcoming months. Yesterday, my son and I helped a relative move some stuff around in their apartment (bins and bins of things that will not fit in the closets or dressers.) I suggested a strategy for decluttering and was told they did not want to get rid of much. I'm already trying to mentally prepare myself for the day that entire chore will fall on me. I don't want to do that to my family. I am glad you were able to find a place for your mom and meet the 2 day deadline. Wow!


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